Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
