When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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