when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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