Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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