She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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