Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
