she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
