Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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