hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
