Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
