Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
