One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
