It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
