I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
