No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
