We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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