Me too!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
