She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
