Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
