I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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