batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
