I just gift wrapped bread.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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