3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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