She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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