no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We had to coat check the pizza.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
