Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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