Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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