I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
