I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize