my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
PANTIES FOUND
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