Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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