Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
