I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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