Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
