It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
