You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
