Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
