this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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