two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
