she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
