so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
