I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
