Moan for me like Helen Keller
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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