so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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