omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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