MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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