roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
