I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
