3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize