i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
