I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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