When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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