Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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