I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
