I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize