i already hear my dad disowning me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
