Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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