I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
