I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
