Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
