If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
