there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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