thus making me awesome and them whores
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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