Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
